


Lost, But Now I'm Found

by inpiniteu



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Hwang Minhyun-centric, Reunions, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-01-04 09:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inpiniteu/pseuds/inpiniteu
Summary: It’s time now—to go back to where everything started. He’s ready to write a new chapter of his life, even though he never expected that expressing himself—his wishes, his thoughts, his choices—would be so difficult, so nerve-wracking.Sungwoon just steps closer and wraps an arm around his shoulders. “Then, just remember this.” He squeezes Minhyun’s shoulder lightly, and smiles, “You’re always going to disappoint someone, Minhyun-ah.”





	Lost, But Now I'm Found

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2019) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
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>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  **IU – "BBI BBI"**  
> [lyrics](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2018/10/iu-bbi-bbi-bbibbi) **|** [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM0xDI5R50E) **|** [supplementary](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1509587584298-0f3b3a3a1797) \- [prompts](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/2f/60/c3/2f60c3a2061ae9c4c6dee994d56072fb.jpg)
> 
> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2019 as part of Team Canon/AR/Future 2. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre. Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey](https://forms.gle/oz46chZH1QWQorEL8)!

Minhyun didn’t expect one of their first meetings with the Pledis higher-ups to be about a trip. 

A team-building trip, to be exact. A few years ago, the whole mention of such a trip probably would’ve made all of them laugh and shake their heads in disbelief, and Minhyun can imagine one of them refuting that they definitely didn’t need it, that they were as close to _brothers_ as they could possibly be. 

Now, though, none of them is laughing at the suggestion of leaving the country for a few days in order to spend time together and reconnect. None of them opposes it, either. 

Not that they could, when it’s the CEO himself who is suggesting—well, no, asking—them to go. 

Still, it’s as clear as day to him that all of his members think it’s a good idea. Despite not having been around for the past few months, Minhyun knows them. Dongho looking everywhere but at him and Aron’s hand, firm and comforting, on his thigh are telling him everything they aren't saying out loud.

It makes sense, after all, that they would think so. He does, too.

They haven’t been a team in more than two years now, and while their friendship is intact, their teamwork has taken a hit. 

_“It’s normal,”_ , Jonghyun had said the first time Minhyun had forgotten lyrics during practice. Minhyun had glanced at him through the mirror, catching his leader’s eyes, and the soft smile meant for him. He had caught all the reassuring words Jonghyun had tried to convey through his eyes, and it had been enough to convince him that yes, perhaps, it was normal.  


Practice had resumed after that as if nothing had happened until he had made the same mistake and then once more after he had stopped in the middle of a choreography. 

Minhyun can’t remember if Jonghyun had continued to send him encouraging glances through the mirror of their practice room. He can’t because he had refused to meet their eyes, the guilt fueling his veins only making him push harder instead. 

Push himself harder, until he could perform their debut song and all the other songs without making a single mistake until he could catch their eyes and not feel like a stranger, an _outsider_.

Minki is the one who speaks first. “Where would we be going?” 

Han Sung Soo looks at them, his eyes stopping on Minhyun’s face for a moment longer. Minhyun doesn’t dare to look away, but he can’t help the sag of his shoulders as their boss breaks eye contact. Being singled out is the last thing he needs or wants at the moment. 

“Anywhere you want to. I’ll let you pick that yourself.”

“For real?” Minki asks, eyes getting wide in surprise. From the corner of his eye, he notices Aron and Jonghyun sporting a similar expression of disbelief. In any other situation, their faces would’ve made him cackle out loud, but right now, he’s quick to swallow the bubbling laugh in his throat. Whatever is going on isn’t something to laugh about, even if it feels like a whole joke.

Their CEO laughs and nods. “Just tell us once you’ve decided. We’ll take care of it.”

All the executives leave the room after that, leaving them alone with their thoughts. This time, it’s Dongho who clears his throat. “Should we leave the country?” he asks, and Minhyun knows from experience that that smile of his is a call for mischief. Indeed, he’s proved right as his friend quickly adds, “Pledis is paying, let’s just go wild!”

Minki claps his hands loudly, jumping in his seat. “Las Vegas! Let’s go to Las Vegas!” 

Minhyun laughs under his breath as Aron starts explaining how Los Angeles is way better than Vegas, and he’s pretty sure that some of his reasons are actually more nonsense than facts. 

He’s missed this, missed it a whole lot and his smile grows even wider as Dongho joins the conversation loudly, and from his seat, he catches something about Lady Gaga and Minki’s fantasies which almost makes him burst in laughter.

Amidst the noisiness, there’s Jonghyun. Minhyun turns to the side to take a look at his friend, only to find out that Jonghyun is looking straight at him. The look that Jonghyun is throwing him is a look that Minhyun has seen before, one that holds promises of reassurance, and has held them together for years. 

It’s a look that, today, almost brings tears to his eyes. He blinks, and while he manages for the tears to not drip, he can’t hold his mask any longer. His smile sags, but Jonghyun’s doesn’t falter. If even, his only widens. 

Minhyun watches in silence as Jonghyun clears his throat, gathering the attention of the three other members. Jonghyun doesn’t falter, and his eyes don’t leave Minhyun’s as he opens his mouth.

“I think we should all go to Iceland.” 

 

-

 

**Hwang Minhyun confirmed to go back to NU’EST, has re-signed with Pledis Entertainment**

His agency, Pledis Entertainment, had confirmed on February 1 that Hwang Minhyun has renewed with his contract with the agency and is set to join NU’EST again as of February 1st. 

This announcement comes a few days after the news that the remaining four members of NU’EST—JR (Kim Jong Hyun), Aron, Baekho (Kang Dong Ho), and Ren (Choi Min Ki)—have also all renewed their contracts with their agency.

Hwang, who was selected as a member of Wanna One through the survival show Produce 101, hasn’t been active with NU’EST in over a year and eight months. 

When being asked of the possibility of a solo debut for the former Wanna One member, Pledis stated that Minhyun came to them first and that they openly discussed his future activities. 

They both came to the conclusion that while a solo debut isn’t totally out of the question, focusing on NU’EST is their priority for the time being. 

Welcome back, Minhyun!

[+8142, -771] Ooooh, Minhyunnie is back! I’m so happy and can’t wait for OT5! LOVEs, we made it!

[+3712, -591] I can’t stop crying, I’m so happy

[+1584, -335] Why would he want to think of NU’EST first? Pledis is probably holding something over his head

[+1392, -417] Is this for real? Why is he joining Pledis again? Farewell, Hwang Minhyun

[+1023, -84] I quite liked NU’EST W’s music, though… 

[+842, -194] Am I the only one who wanted a solo debut for him? This is a bit…

 

-

 

The relief he feels at seeing the airport empty isn’t normal. He shouldn’t have to worry about sasaengs or obsessed fans waiting for him in Incheon Airport at past five in the morning but he is.

Still is, because he never got used to it. 

He knows it’s something he hypothetically signed up for upon deciding to be an idol, and that having such _dedicated people_ —as was once said by one of the Pledis executives—following him is a sure sign of his popularity. 

Early on, he had learnt how to deal with them, how to balance ignoring them but also acknowledge them just enough for them to not turn their backs on him.

Their power is what still scares him, and while he’s lived his life well enough to not make any headlines, the fear of them ruining his life if he angers them paralyzes him. More than once, he’s woken up due to anxiety, unable to sleep as his mind replayed every little action he made during the day and trying to pick at _mistakes_ he didn’t make, nor should be labelled that.

Nowadays, though, they aren’t the only ones he feels he should be aware of. 

His first post on Instagram since his return turned out to be far from the happy memory he had expected it to be. He thought he had been prepared for the not so nice comments, but in the end, nothing could have prepared him for the game of pulling he was an unwilling participant of. 

He loves his fans, _all of them_ and it was with the thought of them in mind that he had decided to opt for neutrality, and for generic captions that left a bittersweet taste in his mouth as he typed them in. Bittersweet enough to resort to using emojis instead; plain, devoid of meaning emojis that left room for interpretation—of his words, of his mental state and how ever he was feeling.

Hwang Minhyun is a man whose heart is filled with kindness and generosity, one who wants to never stop expressing his gratitude—be it directly or through little gestures, and to have to be neutral, to sound distant and detached isn’t pleasant in the slightest.

The results aren’t either. 

It had only taken skimming over a hundred of comments under his post or so for him to understand that it—his return, his new start, whatever people wanted to label it—wasn’t going to be that easy.

Only a few comments had been enough for him to realize that no matter what he was going to be doing from now on, there would be disappointment.

He would always have fans upset _at_ him. Indeed, they can’t be upset on his behalf, because he didn’t have anything to be upset about. Except this, ironically.

Dongho’s head drops onto his shoulders just as Minki claps his hands together, getting out of the state of slumber they were all somewhat caught in. Too much energy at that time of the day shouldn’t be allowed, he thinks, but then again, anything distracting him from his thoughts is more than welcome. “Let’s take a picture together!”

The only verbal answers Minki gets are some grunting and groans but they all get up from their seats, posing for the camera, which is actually Minki’s phone, after a minute or two. 

All of them fit in the frame with disconcerting ease, and Minhyun—their unofficial photographer, thanks to his longer arms—doesn’t lose time before snapping a picture, and then, another one.

Once Minhyun sits back in his seat—the one closer to the gate—they all gather around him to check the pictures out together. His eyes can’t help but be drawn to their smiles and how bright they are, how happy they are, and how happy he is. His heart somehow feels lighter but still—

“Just posted them on the group chat, guys,” Minki says, and indeed, as Minhyun takes his phone out of the pocket of his thickly padded jacket, two Kakaotalk notifications are showing on his screen.

“We should post one on Instagram,” Aron pipes in, throwing an interrogative look at all of them. He looks like an eager puppy asking for a good pat on the head, and Minhyun looks away before his hyung can spot the look of fondness on his face. “The fans would like it.”

“Perhaps after the trip,” Jonghyun suggests, just like the sensitive leader he is. Trust Jonghyun to never forget about the bigger picture. “We don’t want any fans flying to Iceland and tracking us down, do we?”

Dongho snorts at this. “You might have watched a few too many spy movies, Jonghyun-ah,” he says, amusement clear in his voice. “Minhyun should post it,” he suggests, putting Minhyun into a chokehold. “This guy probably posted more pictures since his return than all of us combined in the past year.”

It’s not too far of a stretch, all things considered. Once upon a time, when things were easier, posting pictures on social media was fun, and in his opinion, a lovely way to connect with fans. 

But what used to be fun and exciting definitely isn’t anymore. The anxiety that comes with picking pictures and captions that won’t raise another round of fighting has ruined all the fun he once had, and he only continues posting from time to time to not raise concern.

Not that he will say it out loud, because it’s a burden he has to carry alone. He’s the one who, by making it into Wanna One and by deciding to join Nu’est once more, created this whole situation. He can’t complain, can’t say anything—

He can’t say he hasn’t even saved the picture on his phone, because he has no intention to post it. 

Instead, he just shrugs Dongho off with a loud laugh, complaining that it hurts and that Dongho should do something to make him feel better. It’s a lousy distraction, but one that works all the same. 

If someone has noticed his act or the small sigh of relief that escaped him, no one comments on it. 

They depart for Reykjavik an hour and a half later, with Minhyun’s turned off phone in his bag and the picture all but forgotten.

 

-

 

_“Are you nervous?” Sungwoon asks him in the midst of folding a shirt. Packing should be something they’re used to after so many overseas schedules, but folding clothes is a skill Ha Sungwoon still hasn’t mastered._

_Minhyun grabs the shirt just as his friend is about to drop it in his suitcase. “You could as well just shove your clothes in your suitcase, hyung.” He unfolds the shirt, laying it down on the floor. “Look at all those wrinkles.”_

_Sungwoon snorts and simply shrugs without even taking a look at the sorry mess of fabric, and he opts to just pile all his socks into a tower instead, letting Minhyun fold his shirt properly. “Not everyone is as meticulous as you, Minhyun-ah.”_

_He adds one last pair before gathering the pile of socks in his arms and dropping everything in his suitcase. “So, Minhyunnie, are you nervous?”_

_Minhyun stays silent for a moment, pinching his lips together and putting all of his focus on the number of clothes he still needs to pack. They’re set to leave the dorm in a few days, and packing a year and a half of his life into three suitcases feels overwhelming._

_Then again, everything nowadays is just overwhelming and worrisome._

_He ends up nodding, relieved that he has a reason to not look at his friend in the eye. “I—What if—What if it ends?” he whispers, as if they were taboo as if he would be better keeping his thoughts to himself instead of opening a can of worms._

_Minhyun just hopes that Sungwoon will understand what he means. If there’s something who can, Minhyun thinks, it’s definitely him. He also knows that Sungwoon won’t judge him, not after all the nights they’ve spent sharing their deepest secrets and fears to each other._

_In a way, that’s perhaps why it should be easy to open himself up once again. It should be, but Minhyun feels like a fraud for not thinking about the fans, for thinking of what he wants first. After all, he would be nothing without them._

_“This isn’t about Wanna One, is it?” As expected, Sungwoon has figured him out._

_Minhyun is relieved that there’s no judgement in his voice, though. Wanna One’s upcoming disbandment is a subject they’ve all avoided bringing on the table, and in a way, Minhyun is relieved he can keep his feelings to himself. After all, he’s sad, but definitely not heartbroken about the ending of what was always supposed to end. While they all know what he wants, it would’ve been another thing for him to say it out loud._

_Sungwoon doesn’t wait for a confirmation, and he drags himself closer to Minhyun. “Things are going to change, Minhyun-ah, but you’re ready to face it all. You could do anything you want and people would literally follow you, you know.”_

_Is he truly ready, though? To face the judgement of his fans, both old and new? He isn’t exactly sure and the sigh that slips past his lips seems to not convince Sungwoon either so his friend takes on another approach. “Is going back to Nu’est what you want?”_

_“Yes,” Minhyun answers without any hesitation. Nu’est is his home, and he’s ready to say goodbye to the sweet escape Wanna One had been._

_He knows, that sometimes, the nostalgia of the exhilaration, of the novelty, of the innocence and carefreeness Wanna One brought to his life will be strong. He knows, that sometimes, he will miss it all. Still, no matter how much you travel, how much time you spend on the roads or away, home will always be that special place to you._

_It’s time now—to go back to where everything started. He’s ready to write a new chapter of his life, even though he never expected that expressing himself—his wishes, his thoughts, his choices—would be so difficult, so nerve-wracking._

_Sungwoon just steps closer and wraps an arm around his shoulders. “Then, just remember this.” He squeezes Minhyun’s shoulder lightly, and smiles, “You’re always going to disappoint someone, Minhyun-ah.”_

 

-

 

Perhaps it’s because signs of life are sparse in Iceland’s countryside, but the house Pledis managed to rent for them looks awfully big with its three bedrooms and huge living room. Awfully too big for him, at least. 

If he thinks about it, the place actually isn’t much bigger than their dorm in Seoul, but Minhyun thinks that even in this house, he could lose himself to isolation. At some point, he probably would’ve enjoyed the space and the opportunity to be alone. Right now, though, it was the last thing he wanted.

“How are we going to share the rooms?” Jonghyun asks from behind him, carrying his luggage to the pile already formed by the others. Jonghyun’s eyes are awfully dry, and blinking a bit too much. Jetlag is starting to hit them all, and Minhyun hopes that they can reach an agreement soon. 

“Call for the master bedroom!” Minki yells from whenever he is, and his lips twitch in amusement at Jonghyun rolling his eyes at the statement, though the fondness in his eyes is unmissable. 

“But I wanted to share with you, Minki-yah,” Aron says, clinging to Minki’s arm. Minki tries to shake him off but Aron doesn’t let go, not that Minki is trying hard. “Don’t leave me aloooone,” he adds dramatically, now tugging on Minki’s arm and showing no sign of stopping anytime soon.

Minhyun chuckles under his breath at the banter between their oldest and youngest and turns to look at Dongho, who hasn’t said anything yet. He would be happy to share a bedroom, the need of not ending up alone trumping any need for privacy he might have had. 

Based on experience, both Jonghyun or Dongho would be great roommates on this trip, and he’s ready to ask who wants to share a room with him as Dongho makes a suggestion. “We could drag all the mattresses here and camp in the living room together. Bonding and all that, you know.”  


They all look at each other after that, taking in each other’s expression. Jonghyun is smiling brightly, and so are Minki and Aron.

No words are exchanged as the five of them rush upstairs—only laughs can be heard as Dongho and Jonghyun carries the mattresses downstairs, the rest of them following with pillows and blankets in hands.

Just like that, the house he thought was unwelcoming transforms into the only place he would rather be. 

It's the start of something, something Minhyun believes he could get hooked on, something feeling quite a lot like happiness. 

 

-

 

Minki rushes past him with his toiletry bag in hands, mumbling something along the lines of ‘finally’ under his breath as Minhyun steps into the living room, fresh out of the shower.

Minhyun sits down on the couch next to Jonghyun, whose focus doesn’t waver from the portable console he’s holding. Aron is already asleep, buried under two or three blankets and face buried in his pillow.

“You’re losing,” Minhyun simply states, and he rests his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder to get a better look. If the extra weight bothers Jonghyun, he doesn’t say it, and he doesn’t shrug him off either. “Where’s Dongho?”

Jonghyun gestures to the french windows with his head, not taking his eyes off his game. “Took his notebook and earphones with him, too.”

Minhyun hums in reply, making himself more comfortable next to Jonghyun. Joining Dongho on the porch would be useless, as his friend lives in his own world whenever music is concerned so he decides against it. Chances are that Dongho will show him his progress soon enough, anyway.

They spend the rest of the game in silence, with Jonghyun pressing the keys hard and Minhyun’s attention wavering between the screen and Jonghyun’s face. While the game seems fun to play, not that Minhyun really knows when his abilities in gaming start and stop at _Fifa_ , he would rather try to figure out how Jonghyun’s smile can soothe him like no other can.

Perhaps it’s because Jonghyun is their leader, but just his presence is enough to calm his nerves down and make him forget about his worries temporarily. There’s something relaxing in the soft smile Jonghyun seems to constantly be sporting, and even in the way his eyebrows frown every time his fingers aren’t fast enough. 

“So, have you thought of what we’re going to do tomorrow?” Jonghyun asks after a few more minutes, finally dropping his PSP on the coffee table in front of him. Minhyun had been put in charge of planning their first day earlier in the plane after none of them could settle on an activity.

If there was someone who would make the best choice, they said it would be him. Iceland has been his dream destination for many years, after all, and it made sense to them that whatever he would pick would be worth it.

He closes his eyes, burying his face in the fabric of Jonghyun’s hoodie. “Not really,” he confesses, even though the number of websites he’s bookmarked on his phone during the ride from the airport to the house would say otherwise. “Still trying to make up my mind.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun says, before falling silent again. Just as he thinks that Jonghyun is falling asleep himself, or trying to find a new subject, Jonghyun speaks. “What about the auroras? We could look for a good spot to see them.”

Minhyun doesn’t answer immediately, and he wonders if Jonghyun felt how stiff he became at the mere mention of that word. _Aurora_.

Aurora, just like the name a bunch of his fans named themselves. He hadn’t thought twice before circling Aurora on the post-it the fan had stuck in her album, asking him to pick a name for his fans. Never, back then, had he thought that his answer would lead to the current situation, would lead to fans fighting amongst themselves.

He is neither ignorant or stupid. He’s an idol in his seventh-year, and solo fans are something all of the members are accustomed to by now. It never used to bother them much, not when they were assured that at the end of the day, they were united in supporting the group. 

That what’s different now, with some of his fans blatantly refusing to support Nu’est or his members, which is a concept his mind has difficulty to grasp.

For him, supporting Nu’est implied supporting him and his choices. With some of his fans refusing to do that, Minhyun can’t help but feel like they’re blatantly trampling on his feelings and never considering him or what he wants.

“Minhyun?” Jonghyun calls, and the first thing Minhyun sees upon opening his eyes is how the worry on Jonghyun’s face makes him look much older than he is. “I’m—”

Minhyun doesn’t want to hear an apology. Not from him, at least. “Northern lights seem like a good plan, Jju-yah.”

Jonghyun chuckles at that, nodding to himself. “Okay,” he simply says, but they’re both aware the conversation isn’t over just yet. 

Indeed, Jonghyun clears his throat. “It’s not your fault, Minhyun-ah. I hope you know that.” One of his hands come to rest on Minhyun’s thigh, and he pats it softly as he continues. “We’re not abandoning you, no matter what happens.”

“I’m not either,” Minhyun counters immediately, which makes Jonghyun smile. The patting becomes rougher, though, not to the point of hurting but enough to figure out that something else must be troubling Jonghyun. 

“You could have gone solo, you know,” Jonghyun finally says, his voice so soft Minhyun has to lean in closer to catch all the words. “We would have understood.”

Minhyun puts his hand on top of Jonghyun’s, squeezing it softly. 

No solo career or popularity would ever be able to give him the same happiness that being a member of Nu’est could. His return was the best thing that could have ever happened to him, and he longs for his fans—whether they call themselves Aurora or not—to understand that.

He longs for them to follow him in whatever decision he can make for himself and to believe in him. 

Nu’est is the path that he chose for himself, and he would make the same decision. One, two, three, a thousand times if he had to.

“I didn’t want to,” he simply says, and it’s enough for Jonghyun who nods, finally looking like himself again. Jonghyun has never been the prying type and Minhyun is grateful for that fact. “Also,” he adds, “you guys were in urgent need of a visual.”

Jonghyun breaks into a laugh, quickly covering his mouth so as to not wake Aron up and all is fine.

All is fine.

 

-

 

“Got you lemon tea,” Aron says, putting both of their drinks on the table and pushing the piping hot cup in front of Minhyun. “Grapefruit ade isn’t a thing here, apparently,” he adds with a little laugh in his voice.

Minhyun laughs along and shrugs lightly. “Tea is good, too.” 

It’s true, and the cold Icelandic weather seems to agree with him. A warm beverage is more than welcomed at this point and a sigh of contentment slips past his lips as he wraps both hands around the mug. ”Thanks, hyung.”

They spend the next few minutes in silence, both sipping on their beverages. They both woke up at the crack of dawn, neither of them good at dealing with jetlag and decided to take the car to wander around the area. It’s a good thing they did, as they discovered signs of life in the countryside were pretty much sparse. 

Minhyun takes in the quaint café they’ve stumbled upon. It’s a pretty small place, decorated with taste in that Scandinavian style—monochrome with little touches of color and minimalistic. 

It’s a pretty place, one that Seongwoo would also have liked without a doubt. He quickly snaps a picture or two with his phone, his camera staying untouched on the table, and he thinks of sending them to his friend before opting not to. The wifi signal isn’t strong enough, anyway.

He quickly adds a memo in his calendar reminding him to do so once they’re back at the house, though, and that’s it. It’s easy, just like he wishes everything could be.

Wanna One might have ended, but their friendship isn’t over. He isn’t forgetting the guys he spent close to two years with, nor the memories they’ve made during that time. 

Minhyun lives in the present, but it never had to mean he couldn’t bring his past along.

“Hyung,” Minhyun suddenly calls, and Aron removes his eyes from the window to look at him, an eyebrow raised. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” Aron deadpans, breaking to a laugh after taking a look at Minhyun’s face. “But sure, go ahead.”

Minhyun takes a sip of his drink, his grasp on the cup a bit too tight he’s barely able to hold it properly. “How did you deal after—” he pauses, unsure of how to formulate it, “—the sexist controversy?”

His voice wavers a bit on the last world and he regrets the words as soon as they come out of his mouth, feeling like an asshole for bringing this up. They have never really talked about it, and he only remembers Aron closing himself off for weeks after the articles came up. Suddenly, he isn’t so sure it would be a good thing to talk about it.

Aron, though, doesn’t share his opinion. “I wasn’t expecting that,” he says, but he’s smiling and it’s enough to make Minhyun relax in his seat. “To be honest, I don’t remember much. Just…that I felt sorry my words were misunderstood. In a way, it made me realize how everything you say or do needs to be carefully expressed.”

Minhyun nods, completely able to relate to what Aron is telling him. He has always been careful by nature, never wanting to hurt anyone, but this had been exacerbated after becoming an idol. 

He still remembers how upset he felt after a fan told him she was sad his ideal type was a short haired girl, which she wasn’t and how he tried to make everyone happy by saying his ideal type was just someone with hair.

That episode had been a good lesson—one that taught him that idol Minhyun and Hwang Minhyun sometimes had to be kept separate. 

It didn’t mean that he was one or the other, as he makes a point for his image to fit who he really is. 

Idol Minhyun is just a more perfect version of himself because no one wants to see the flaws, the doubts, anything that doesn’t fit their perception of him.

“I think I get it,” Minhyun finally says, tilting his head to the side and still a bit lost in thought. “But then, what if you would get into another controversy now? Being careful isn’t always enou—”

He stops himself as Aron breaks into a little laugh. “You can’t control everything, Min. Fans have their own thoughts, their own insight on things. You have to accept that, just like they have to accept you.”

“What if they can’t? Accept us?” he asks, genuinely curious about what’s going on in Aron’s mind. It’s unusual for them to be this deep, and Minhyun thinks it could be because it somewhat feels embarrassing for the two of them. No matter what the reason is, he’s glad they can be a little more open with each other.

Aron ponders over this for a while, before shrugging both shoulders. “I guess we could say it’s their problem?” He takes a sip of his coffee, and Minhyun wonders how he can drink ice americano when the weather is that cold. “The only thing you have to care about is staying true to yourself.”

You, Aron said. You, not we. Minhyun figures he’s not as transparent as he thought he was, but it’s fine. If there are people he truly doesn’t want to hide from, it’s them—Aron, Minki, Dongho and Jonghyun.

He doesn’t want to hide anymore. “Got it,” he just says, and it sounds like a confession. “Anyway, since when did you become so wise, hyung?”

Aron laughs loudly at that, one of his hands even smacking the table in amusement and Minhyun joins in. 

“Yah,” he says after he has somewhat calmed down. “I will let you know that he great Kwak Aron has always been wise!”

 

-

 

“Are you serious?” Minki whines half-heartedly, looking at Minhyun with an eyebrow raised. “We’re in Iceland and you’re bringing us to a _beach_? We have beaches in Korea, Minhyun-ah.”

“We don’t have beaches with literal icebergs covering the sand, Minki,” Dongho pipes in. “Black sand, at that.”

Minki huffs, but he’s smiling and they all know that he’s enjoying the sight just as much as all of them. It might have taken a three-hour drive to get there, but he would do it all again without any hesitation.

Diamond Beach is the name tourists have given to the beach, and Minhyun thinks they couldn’t have picked a better name for it. The ice-chunks that can be found all over the sand look like sparkling diamonds—transparent, white, or diamonds in the most beautiful blue shade Minhyun has ever seen. 

Every single piece of ice is art and once again, Minhyun is reminded of the simple pleasures of life. 

They all walk on the beach side by side, sometimes stopping from time to time to look at some chunks of ice that captivate them. Minhyun now owns a fantastic collection of pictures of them making stupid poses next to ice-chunks bigger than them, and he swears that Jonghyun is probably the clumsiest guy he’s ever met. It’s a miracle his friend hasn’t cracked his skull open on a rock yet.

“Guys, do you think the water is cold?” Aron asks from behind Minki, and from experience, Minhyun knows nothing good will come out of the smile Aron is throwing their maknae.

“Well,” Minhyun starts, taking a step just in case. He really doesn’t trust that cheeky smile. “It’s barely zero degrees so—”

“Catch him!” Aron interrupts him, yelling and looking at someone behind him and Minhyun barely has time to understand what’s going on before Minki caught in Dongho’s tight embrace. 

Minki shrieks and Minhyun can only watch as Aron grabs Minki’s kicking legs, both him and Dongho holding onto Minki as they run towards the water.

“Are they going to throw him in?” Minhyun asks, turning to Jonghyun with a semi-worried, semi-amused look on his face. 

“You bet they are,” Jonghyun says, just as they hear Minki scream and threaten Kwak Aron and Kang Dongho with a painful death. 

Minhyun and Jonghyun take a look at each other, and they’re both on the sand laughing their hearts out in a matter of seconds, each cry Minki lets out only making them laugh harder.

“Should we go help him?” Jonghyun asks after calming down, panting as he tries to catch his breath. 

Minhyun takes a look at the spot where his three friends are standing. Minki is now dunking Aron into the water, Dongho splashing them and he shakes his head, leaning closer to Jonghyun.

“What do you think of taking them by surprise and dunking Dongho?” 

Jonghyun grins, but then, he takes a worried glance at Minhyun. “What about your salt allergy, though?”

But Minhyun is already running towards his friends, turning back to look at Jonghyun, a wide grin splitting his face. “Who cares, Jju-yah? Let’s live to the fullest!”

Jonghyun easily catches up with him, his grin mirroring Minhyun's and then, they're running side by side.

Running towards their friends, their youth, and the carefreeness Minhyun had locked inside him.

 

-

 

His phone starts vibrating in rapid succession as soon as he turns it on, now out of the plane. 

They’re back in Seoul, back in reality, back to being Nu’est’s Minhyun rather than just Minhyun.

Strangely, that thought doesn’t bother him as much as it did before they departed for Iceland. 

He thinks he’s ready now. No, he knows he’s ready to tackle everything that is going to come his way—the good and the bad, and everything in between. 

He’s ready, and that’s why the first thing he does isn’t checking out his emails or deleting the countless notifications awaiting him just like he usually would. 

Instead, his fingers quickly work on his phone, and as he finally puts it back in his pocket after a minute or two, his smile is brighter than ever.

Whatever is going to come his way now, he will face it proudly. He's not scared, not anymore. After all, there’s no place for regrets, shame or guilt inside him. He did what he wanted to, and the price for his happiness might be high, but he’s willing to pay whatever it takes.

Willing to deal with a few or even a hundred of hate comments. 

Because there it is—the picture the five of them took in that same airport, back before departing to Iceland, posted on Instagram for everyone to see.

_My Universe._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Remember that you can rate my fic, just go [here](https://forms.gle/oz46chZH1QWQorEL8)!
> 
> Special thanks to J. for reading over this multiple times and helping me figure out things, and also to everyone who held my hands through this! 
> 
> Also, Tea(m) Cafe! Thank you for all the sprints and the lovely chats on Discord, proud of you all!


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